I sometimes wonder if we are all meant to have a certain size body. Everyone knows that we all have a different shape and each is beautiful in its own ways. I started a long journey back in 2006 when I joined a weight loss challenge at work. I knew that I was overweight but the number on the scale that stared back at me shocked me to no end. To be honest I wanted to lie when they wrote down my starting weight. At 5 ft 2 I was 190lbs. With a smack in the face I started to eat better though I didn’t exercise much. I was super strict in my food choices. Not too many carbs, no alcohol, no processed foods of any kind and definitely no cookies or donuts. I ended up winning the challenge with having lost 33lbs in 12 weeks. But I didn’t stop there. I kept going till I got close to my final goal. When I started my goal was to go down from an 18 to a 14, then I went to a 12, then a 10 and finally I came to rest at an 8! I was shocked and amazed. Although I missed my goal of hitting 130 lbs I stopped at a132.I always thought that I was a big boned girl and that’s how I was. After loosing 58lbs I found this small petite woman inside.
The year that I turned 30 I was in the shape that I wanted to be for the most part. I’ve never had a firm toned stomach and after 2 kids I knew it wasn’t going to happen. Then I started to try and balance out my eating so that I wouldn’t loose more. But I found that I ended up gaining 10bls that summer I turned 30. It was also at that time that Ron and I decided to have another baby. When I became pregnant with Owen I was about 144lbs. I took the liberty during my pregnancy to eat whatever I was craving. I didn’t have massive cravings but what I did was very not healthy for me. Can we say pizza pops and pop tarts? I gained 60lbs.
After Owen was born I struggled with the eating thing again. How to eat enough to nurse Owen but still loose weight? I’m still trying to loose weight and Owen is almost 2 years old. To be honest I haven’t gone back to that strict eating. I’m not sure what my weight is because my scale is broken. I do know that my size 8’s of yore are buttonable but not pretty looking. There is a whole muffin top coming over top those jeans. I’m wearing the same size tops but my parts are weird. The 10s are a bit big but the 8s are not right either.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t go so strict on my diet anymore. I know that I can maintain this level of weight, after all I’ve been doing it for the past year. Maybe that 10lbs that I gained before I got pregnant with Owen was my body’s way of getting its equilibrium back. I’m not sure. I do know if I go back to eating very strictly I can loose weight. But isn’t it healthier to stay at a normal (for me) weight than to be constantly jumping back and forth between numbers on a scale? I know that even though I do weigh a bit more that I did before Owen that I still feel strong. I’m exercising and eating well. I don’t stress out about having a glass of wine every now and then or splurging on a cookie. I’m learning to love this body, whatever the weight, for what it can do. I’ve been able to give birth to 3 beautiful children naturally, I can nurture them with nursing, cuddling and holding. I can pull 5 kids in a sled for 45 minutes and not collapse in a heap in the driveway. Maybe I need to just focus on my ability and worth as a mom instead of focusing on a number on a scale or a label. My self worth and self esteem is not connected to a number on the scale or a number on a label.
4 comments:
yes, focus on what your body can do, not what it fits into. Keep pulling those kids in the sled, keep cuddling those babies, make healthy choices when you can and your body will change to what it will be.
thanks Erica. I think as woman in society we are almost brainwashed into thinking that if we aren't a certain number than we can't possibly be beautiful. Its a hard thought process to change overnight.
That was so refreshing to read...thank you so much!
Yes Yes and Yes, those numbers are not a reflection of who we are or what we are worth, What kind of a life is it if we spend it never eating the foods we love or in a gym. Be healthy be happy, be loved!! A much better way to live!!
Good for you!!
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